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HOW I GOT INTO STANFORD – My Common App Essay (Accepted at Stanford, Johns Hopkins, etc)

hello everyone my name is Jasmine welcome to my channel I recently graduated high school and I am going to be attending Stanford University next fall and after I got in I got like a lot of like dams on my Instagram and stuff asking for advice and a lot of like just juniors and I know emailing me like asking to share my essays and stuff so I thought I was just fulfilling my high-school dream I’m starting a YouTube channel and I watched so many of these kind of videos when I was applying and honestly I feel like it is super helpful to kind of just hear different people’s essays because each person’s application is super unique and I think that’s really important to get into Stanford that your application is just like uniquely you and nobody else can really write the essays that you’re writing so I’m gonna be doing a lot of videos on my application and my advice like my personal stats and everything and then I’m also gonna be doing videos like once I’m actually at Stanford cuz I think that’d be super fun but now I’m just gonna for the today’s video just read my comment essay and kind of talk a little bit about why I chose a topic I did why chose write out what I wrote about but yeah so I have my laptop here so I’m just gonna read what it says song called not for this essay it says this essay demonstrates your ability to write clearly and concisely on a selected topic that helps you distinguish yourself in your own voice what do you want the readers of your application to know about you apart from courses great and test scores choose the option that best helps you into that question I read an essay a normal of no more than 650 words using the prompt to inspire and structure your response remember 650 word is your limit not your goal and so there’s a ton of topics you can choose from and there’s one that even says like just let whatever you want but the one that I chose to write about is some students have a background identity interest or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it if this sounds like you then please share your story so I’m just gonna read my essay I am a mutt as an Asian Hispanic American I grew up clashing in all three directions I am a third of each identity and therefore not entirely of any as a youth I felt excluded from complete membership in any one group because I comprised aspects of the other two that did not fit in it just has a mixture of identities complicated how people viewed me the way I was treated and how I viewed myself when I was younger my dad spoke in Spanish to me so I could grow up bilingual however when I started school I became embarrassed about using it even in my home I started ignoring my dad when he addressed me in Spanish and lost some languages I grew older throughout grade school I would bring all Asian snacks to school and was teased but then at the same time was picked on by my Asian relatives for holding chopsticks like a white person in the fifth grade I was placed in the class at the greater number of Hispanic students while the other class was entirely Caucasian my class was much slower paced and I was frustrated being there at my high school with Hispanic students tended to be stereotyped as lower performing students multiple teachers including math and science before knowing me talk down to me until the end of the first grading period when it was evident I was a good student all these experiences were challenging they brought in my self-awareness and self-acceptance of who I was I now recognize my diversity as an asset I realized that my experiences allowed me to connect build relationships with and value people from different backgrounds rather than just tolerating the negative stereotypes that I grew up with I am now confident and ready to challenge them in particular I realize that Hispanic females are underrepresented in the engineering field and part of this is due tonight to the negative societal views of Hispanics and woman interestingly my dad came from a time when the barriers for Hispanic engineers were even greater born in Puerto Rico he struggled through poverty with little education or support in addition because he was the first person in his family to obtain a college degree he did not even have role models to inspire him or to follow he eventually graduated from college and became a very successful electrical engineer with two masters degrees he still often faces biases and had to continually and has to continually prove his credibility in the workplace despite his education expertise and work experience while his success story inspires me it is not my own I was fortunate to have access to a strong educational around Wisconsin support from my family so my challenges are not identical to my dad’s however there continues to be unjustified stereotyping of Hispanics and women in the professional environment my dad’s generation represents the first movement of Hispanics breaking the initial barriers in the stem field I consider myself a part of a secondary movement whose goal is to shape a stem community that completely embraces Hispanics in particular Hispanic woman and whose goal is to motivate those like myself who would otherwise be discouraged to take this path I am very interested in engineering is I have a love for the math and sciences my hope is to be a successful Hispanic female engineer that not only gain fulfillment in a field that I enjoy but also has a larger impact on society I want to normalize the acceptance of Hispanics women and Hispanic women in STEM simultaneously increasing the confidence of these individuals in their ability to pursue their goals although growing up was sometimes complicated and confusing because of my diversity today I’m grateful for my uniqueness and the broader perspective and sense of empowerment it has given me to influence and change society so that was my essay and when I was trying to think about what to write about um so something that is very important to me is my identity but I didn’t want to just keep it like very surface level and talk about like oh yeah I grew up with different backgrounds in you value diversity and then like just kind of stop there because that’s kind of a very like typical essay to write if you’re writing about your background so I wanted to include all aspects of my life so I um included like some short anecdotes about things happen me when I was little and how that kind of shaped me into like going into high school and then after that and then I kind of went a new went into how I want to take those experiences and apply it to a future career and then I also kind of mentioned like what I’m passionate about kind of how I want to shape society upon what would be graduating from Stanford or whatever college I would end up choosing how I like and really passionate about increasing minority representation and stem and just in you know in different STEM careers and then I kind of talked about how other than a family where my dad has lost his job multiple times being in the field sometimes he would be at the like the top level system but then he would be the one let go and then there I don’t know I just experience certain things in my life that kind of still showed that those things are still an issue so I kind of talked about that okay so um I think maybe sometimes the perception is that a lot of people who get into schools like Harvard and like Stanford who are from maybe more underrepresented background like like the Hispanic community maybe either are from a lower-income family or are the first in their family to go to college most situations that are definitely valid a lot of if you can go to a top school like not having anyone else in your family who has gone to college like that’s I mean you think that’s super cool but that’s also not the only people who get into these schools from those different kinds of backgrounds like a lot of people who go to my school because I go to school I went to school in the city who were from minority background a lot of them were from lower-income communities and they you know they rose above maybe their situation in order to get into these um into these universities and that’s super awesome but that’s not really my story like I I was fortunate I live in a middle-class family in the suburbs in Texas and so those things were not something that I had to overcome I had a lot of work from my family and I had a pretty good education I grew up in the suburbs not where I went to school and I don’t that doesn’t have to be your story for you to get it you know whatever story you have is valid and unique and everyone is passionate about something so it doesn’t you know if that’s not your story that doesn’t mean that you’re not gonna get in so it’s just I just want to try my essay about something that only I could write about and when you like and I send this to a lot of people because I just think like you can’t really take it even if you wanted to because it’s very just specific to me so advice for when you’re trying to think I want to write your comment up essay about if you’re about to apply to college I think a good place to start is like what are you passionate about in your life it can be your identity maybe it’s a job you have maybe it’s an intern you did or some work you do in the community or just maybe like something that you see in your community that you’re passionate about and want to reform just what are you passionate about that is the main thing I don’t you should have sit down and think what’s the like coolest like most flashy thing in my life because mine’s not really talking about like my accomplishments you’re like my work I think or anything it’s more just like Who I am what I’m passionate about and what I want to do in the future the other advice I have for your essay is to make sure you have different eyes on it you know I got my essay edited by both of my parents who are both really smart people so they both edited my essays and then I also I have teacher ed in my essay who I didn’t know very well it was just an English teacher in my school because I kind of wanted an unbiased opinion to see if somebody who didn’t know me could still understand my story from that I say because my admissions officers obviously they’re not going to know me prior to meeting my essays so I wanted to see if you know somebody who literally had no idea who I was would still be able to get my story and the message and like that everything made sense because whenever I’m in here my mom’s reading it like I know what I’m trying to say she knows what I’m trying to say so it kind of makes it a little bit more difficult to distinguish things like that and then also young people to help cappucino a little grammar mistakes and things that when you’re reading it over and over you might not be able to catch don’t feel like if your your essay in one sitting I definitely look at the topic thought about what I want to write about talk to my mom about what I want to write about kind of like brainstorm different elements and I want to incorporate it’s definitely a process don’t don’t like get stressed out that gets to do it in one sitting literally I think I copy and pasted the topic into a document save it and close my laptop and just thought about it for two weeks before I looked at it again so definitely start early I think I like started at the beginning of my senior year just thinking about it because it is a process but also don’t feel like you need to work on your essay I was day like think about ideas let them sit with them process and then go back and revisit and also I know if for me it was important I glad in my essays but I only have three people out of it which wasn’t a lot you don’t want anyone to take away your voice definitely listen to suggestions but don’t let anyone make their essay in their voice you know still keep it in your voice and what you want to talk about so I think I guess like that’s all the advice I really have for that specific I said I was also accepted to Johns Hopkins University biomedical engineering and University of Michigan College of Engineering with this specific I say because I didn’t apply to that many Komarov schools so all I will also have more videos in the future about my Stanford supplements my statistics everything like that I’m going to be interviewing some of my friends I have friends going to Yale to USC to rise so I’m gonna be interviewing them too so you guys can have just kind of a overall like a broader opinion on if you’re going applying to a top school this fall or in the coming future follow me on Instagram and you can feel free to give me like any personal questions you have [Music]

how to write an a* a-level history essay (w/ my example essay) | shannon nath

[Music] hello everybody and welcome back to my channel let’s say excuse my voice I’m extremely ill at the moment and that also explains why I can absolute mess but have a hot chocolate and I’m figured I would do possibly the most requested video on my channel ever no it’s not true it’s pretty requested though but basically it is I have to write an a-level history essay and I have here one of my a laborious treat essays I did towards the end of year 12 I’ve got me 20 out of 25 marks which was an a-minus I believe this essay is specifically from Russia but this is the same thought process I follow for tutors and would follow if I was doing any other course so without further ado let’s get into this video I’ve got hot chocolate I just brought my hot chocolate because I do feel like it’s gonna be a particularly long video in this essay the question I had to answer was to what extent was the czar responsible for his own downfall in February 1917 but basically it is a factor question and it’s asking you to identify the main factors causing the sort of point that they’re focusing on which is the downfall of the Tsar and they’re giving you one factor which is his own person or looks ability and you’re expected to know the other factors and you’re expected to formulate an argument as to why each factor is as important in the Southtown fall and choose the most important one and conclude on it so it is like I said a simple factor question and most of them are at a level I thought I start with what is on marks scheme so specifically for art subjects marks schemes they are so unspecific and they just say like sustained analysis and you just think what does that mean our teacher marks our essays on these sheets of paper and I’m basically going to put everything that’s on the assessment sheet and kind of explain it to you guys the first thing is question focus and that is basically your ability to answer the question there is no point in having the question why our dogs are great and then starting to talk about why dinosaurs are bad to put it in simple terms you need to focus on the question and the factors and you need to remember the key factors that come up when you were studying that topic if you don’t know any of the factors you’re going to struggle to write the essay and honestly there’s no point in doing it second thing are examples so this is examples and evidence really if you’re not giving any sort of evidence or examples as to why what you’re saying is true it may as well not be an asset like in any argument based subject you have to back up what you’re saying and if you can’t do that who has that to believe another thing is organization so this is basically your paragraphs your sentencing and making sure you’re getting the right argument across the only sort of thing I can think to explain in that sense is to have an introduction main body paragraphs and conclusion there doesn’t need to be an over-the-top essay format your regular essay format works ministry like any other subject and the other thing is spelling punctuation and grammar kind of self-explanatory basically making sure your English language is good one of the harder things is evaluation of evidence you need to be able to critically understand and evaluate why the evidence is useful in each circumstance so say for example one of my arguments in this essay is that the reason that the Czar fell was because of the increase in popularity in opposition groups so I need to give evidence of that popularity increase so I’ve said that the number of strikers increases and I’ve given the exact figures and facts I can say that improves that the people were becoming discontented radicalized and against the general government structure which is who pays their wages if they’re discontented with the government structure then it means they’re discontented with the Czar which is why he fell so that’s what it means by critically evaluating your evidence at least I think another thing is that interpretations need to be critically evaluated so if you have a so if you have a sort of argument and that’s that oh I think it was the Tsar’s responsibility I agree with the question then you need to be able to say what that isn’t just your evidence that needs to have a good argument and perhaps be backed up by some historians or just backed up by one sort of general with you if that makes sense I know that they’re very confusing and that they kind of don’t make sense but they’re just some of the things that we get assessed on but I sense they’re the ways that you write a good essay the next thing I’m gonna do is I’m gonna show you guys how I would write a paragraph and tell you the key things that I include the first thing is that my opening statement has to explain my argument for my second paragraph the first thing that I say is firm or the Czar’s military defeats and lack of inter actually the Doomer examples of why there was such a decline in support an increase in opposition groups in this sentence I’m telling the examiner what I’m going to be telling them and then after that I’m going to give the evidence that backs up the second thing is appoint evidence explain so if you have a point like that you need to give evidence and you need to explain it it’s very simple English stuff and you might think there’s two day level and you need to follow a really over-the-top structure but that’s not true like even if you think it’s low level try it and then start to develop on it because you’ll find that every good argument follows that typical structure but I then going to say a one major change from 1917 to the 1905 revolution was the lack of support from the army despite small mutinies in 1905 the majority of the army had repressed strikes and remained loyal however due to military reforms the period of service was cut which led soldiers spending a large portion of their time in civilian life and firsthand experiencing their struggle that was my sort of first point evidence explain I know it kind of moves together but the point that I’m trying to make in this paragraph is that this revolution is different from the previous revolution which means that it couldn’t have been the Tsar’s own fault and like I said before this isn’t gonna make sense if you’re not studying Russia but I do try and give that point evidence expect the next thing is statistics these are so important in history they are your evidence having good statistics numbers percentages dates things that happen like they will seriously back up your argument and move it to the next level my next point I say added to this the increasing number of strikes emphasized the discontent with working conditions of living conditions and other socio-economic factors for example the 22nd of February 20,000 workers went on strike from the putilov Works Factory also the Petrograd garrison mutiny against instruction joining an army protesters pour over an increasing number of people turned to the Bolsheviks and became radicalized as shown for the increase in sales of the propter a reason for this time to Bolsheviks lights of the military defeats and master in Russia in 1914 1.8 million Russians were either dead kidnapped or wounded my next key point is to have a good closing sentence that links back to the question now I don’t actually do this in this paragraph from a teacher commented on it so I think that’s essential to do all the time I think he commented on about that paragraph is to have a better example so my examples on the military paragraph weren’t ridiculously strong like I had though but I could have had better examples which the reason I’m still showing you guys this paragraph is whilst is the perfect it’s still good and I can now identify what I need to do to improve another thing I want to mention which I didn’t do this essay is historiography if I said that correctly so with historiography you need to basically include historians and tap rotations either through quotes or through arguments and demonstrate like either agreeing with them or disagreeing with them and using them to justify your own points again this is not something you need to do but this is something that our teacher said can boost your grade potentially but it isn’t essential it’s just if you include it it does make it look like you’ve done your Y Teresa the final thing is to end the conclusion you need to make your argument by undermining every previous argument you’ve made so in my conclusion I basically go back to the question and I agree with what they’re saying and I say that it is the Czar’s fault and I take every other argument and I undermine it and say it’s not fully strong because of this this isn’t this and then I take the potential arguments you could make to the factor and point it out and say those are wrong because of this business and this I kind of make son but I’ll show you mine anyway to conclude every factor for this a scalpel can be linked back to his own personal safe my sake as a political leader so in the first sentence I basically say this is my argument this is what I’m saying then I say oppositional groups have been pre-existing yet grew massively at this point due to the sakai decline in supports shown through the number of strikes however had the socioeconomic concerns not been an issue it is questionable as to what role the peasants brackets in made up 90% of the society would have played and whether they would have even joined these oppositional groups so I’m undermining the oppositional groups by saying it’s the socio economic factors fault add to this the same can be said surrounding the start the First World War I said amplified the political incompetence but I’ve already existed had Russia not actively joined the war through mobilization questionable whether Azhar would have made so many air over small mistakes at this point so in that argument I’m rebranding Lazar for the military’s mistakes and sort of saying it’s all on him because he decided to join the war not them as a whole is clearly at the Czar’s personal mistakes for socio-economic conditions and the impacts of world one of the three factors that completely destroyed any chance at maintaining an autocratic government where the opposition groups remain inactive emphasized by the lack of leadership and organization the peasants focused on their livelihood and took more of a stance when they were stretched to the limit yeah all these issues in Russia link back to the Tsar’s personal and previous decisions to not consider attempt to change as a result his make his own mistakes for the main cause of his downfall so I hope you can kind of see that I basically just undermine every argument and blame bazaar entirely for what happened then whilst actually judging history I don’t think it’s entirely his fault it’s important for me in the essay to give that structured argument and to really force plan upon him so you prove my point if that makes sense it just shows like sustained analysis all that kind of stuff that is basically everything I have for this video I can already feel that if my history teachers watch it they’re just gonna be sitting there thinking actually no you’re wrong because of this this isn’t this I’m not a history teacher so I can’t give you the exact reasons and I may explain things wrong I’m not trying to say my advice is exact and if your teachers told you differently trust them over me I just thought this might be helpful to some people that I really start building when writing their essays or just going into you twelve but an example so yeah thank you so much for watching sure to LIKE comment subscribe and share and I hope you’re having a wonderful day you know whatever you’re having bye